Thursday, May 17, 2007

A note from the inside...

Dear diary:

It is now Day 171 of my captivity. I grow more and more restless by the day in here. My boredom knows no end.

There have been some recent developments, including my host vessel and her male companion discovering that, yes, I am indeed a boy. Took you long enough! I could have told you that weeks ago. But no one thought to ask me, did they? (The male doesn't seem to be particularly bright, by the way. Too much evidence to list here. I'll get into it in some detail a little bit later.)

Anyway, I spend my days mostly swimming laps now, as I want to stay in supreme physical condition for when I make my escape. (I don't have the exact day and time decided yet, but I am expecting it to happen within the next few months. I am not quite prepared for the escape just yet.)

I do some kickboxing training as well, using the inner walls of my host vessel as a punching and kicking target. I am getting quite proficient, by the way. I have managed locate her bladder, too, and can now make her vacate it practically at will. It brings me hours of amusement.

I often hear loud noises coming from an unruly, obnoxious, menacing beast they refer to as Rudy or Ruby or something to that effect. This thing makes ungodly noises all the time, and, what's worse, I often hear my host vessel and her male companion speaking in nauseatingly childish tones in an attempt to get the beast to acknowledge them. Sadly, it seems to work, which only makes its (and their) behavior worse.

That is all for now. I'll be back to journal some more later once boredom returns. For now, I feel like making my host vessel hit the bathroom again. It's been awhile.

That never gets old.


Holli said...

Too funny!

Nana said...

OK Daddy-O. This was hilarious! I was reading for a minute thinking it was Erin before I realized it was different style. You should keep every single blog entry, and after the baby is born, put it together and publish a book entitled :"Preston/Liam Erb's Journey Before Dawn" or some equally catchy title. It would sell lights out in the maternity/baby section of Barnes & Noble. Priceless writing by both of you!